either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
