...so i touched it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
