did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
