that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
People in love make me want to vomit
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
