Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
