I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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