So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My ass is underappreciated
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
