is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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