i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
