i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
