I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
