I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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