so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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