If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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