For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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