I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
