you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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