Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
