she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
