i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize