Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
