I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
