is your mom at the bar?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
