I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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