there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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