Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
