Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
