I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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