And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
