My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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