Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
