she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
