Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
