I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You took a bar mat shot.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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