your parents love me but you hate me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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