So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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