was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
