This girl is more easily done than said...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
