Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Randomize
