I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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