Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
