the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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