the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
