I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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