dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
