am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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