i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
its liver damage thursday
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
