I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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