I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
