You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
