So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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