Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Someone came in the potted fern
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
