we have pet lesbian snakes
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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