Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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