Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
