He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
