im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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