More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
FUCK WHALES
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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