mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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