She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
