You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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