capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
