I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
