I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
