if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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