Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
