we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
