At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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