WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
