before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
