dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize