Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
