i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
